The Plastics may reserve Wednesdays for pink, but Sketch wears it everyday. I don’t know how I had gone this many years without ever hearing of this crown jewel smack dab in the middle of Mayfair (aka Soho). If you think you’re coming for crumpets and tea, you would be wrong. That is to say, you’d be wildly underestimating the experience ahead. From the moment you step through the glass-paneled doors, you’re greeted like the starlet you are.
Seriously. I felt like Beyonce at the check-in desk where (after getting a glimpse at an electric pink piano), you’re escorted to what I can only describe as a menagerie exploding with pink. Immediate sensory overload. And what’s not to marvel at? The sound of fancy heels clicking upon the black and white checkered floors. The feel of the plush velvet chairs that have each of their guests looking like Aphrodite in an oyster shell. The quirky monochromatic drawings from artist David Shrigley upon every gallery wall. The sound of a live string quartet playing La Vie en Rose. I knew then this was going to exceed every expectation I had.
Once you’re seated, you’re graced with the most charming menus that give you a small peek at the feast you’re about to behold. Once you pick your poison from a diverse list of exotic teas, you’re greeted by The Caviar Man. Yes, this is a job that is listed on some lucky chap’s resume. Clad in a blush suit from head to toe, this Edwardian character is a caviar connoisseur who carries small spoonfuls on a silver platter and answers every question you’ve ever had about this delicacy.
Dollops of caviar are served alongside your amuse buche, and eggs + soldiers are to follow. Next on the menu is a 3-tiered selection of tea sandwiches, cakes and pastries. The Bavarian cream was to die for! As if that’s not enough, warm, fluffy scones with strawberry + fig jams on the side are presented just when you think you’re too full for more. But you keep eating because this meal is LIFE.
They really know how to treat a lady – well at least me – meaning they even offer unlimited quantities of sandwiches and pastries. So girl, if you want that extra Coronation Chicken sandwich, then go live your dream.
I wish I could say I’ve already described the coolest thing about this pretty pink parlor, but when you have a line of girls taking bathroom pics of the stalls rather than mirror, you know you’ve stumbled upon greatness. Quite literally the bathrooms of the future, you feel like you’re stepping into the spaceship on Passengers, with sleek, white floating stairs that form an eclipse shape. Once you arrive at the top, you realize you’ve never been so excited to see a toilet in your life? Each is held in an individual egg-shaped pod reflecting pops of colors from the geometric stained glass ceiling above. Out of the corner of your eye, you even see the Toilet Attendant shuffle by in a traditional maid dress. Think CLUE.
So all in all, I was amazed, astonished and delighted. The cuisine itself was a 10/10, but the real wow factor was the adorably femme wonderland Sketch creates as a brief escape from the big city. And who doesn’t want to feel like an A-lister for the day? All that being said, this is without a doubt the best afternoon tea in London.
Disclaimer: I wrote this in a heat of passion at approximately 1:12am because I was still on such a high from the day here. Here’s to hoping you don’t judge my stream of consciousness too quickly. After all, I’m speaking from the heart and you should book your reservation/hopscotch to Sketch immediately to see for yourself!